Why I don't give 'Second Chances'

You have heard popular phrases that all boil down to 'people never change', and for a long time people believed that, but recent studies have concluded that a person CAN change, once they are self aware of the behavior causing others to leave or become upset.

This used to be the basis of why I chose not to give people second chances.

I was young, middle school or early high school, and I can remember walking home that day thinking of a recent argument with a friend, one that we seemed to have rehashed several times, and I was 100% fed up with it.

I consider myself an emotional person, and someone that is easily attached to things, but I have learned that there are people who will wrongly take advantage of that in order to continue to misuse my good nature. The thought of forever cutting ties with a person scared me, and deeply hurt to think about. Hold onto that tid-bit, the part "deeply hurt to think about'.

So, as I was walking home that day, I decided, that after a certain point, the bridge would be burnt, and that would be that. I had some adults in my life at the time who told me this was not a good idea and that I should always give people a second chance, so I tried, but it was hard.

Here is the REAL reason I stopped giving people second chances;

because they don't deserve one.

Why?

Because I am a kind, loving, generous person, that has learned to be kind and loving through many difficult times in my life, where I had but a few people to continue to support me.

I am the type of person that will let you walk all over me, step on my face and wipe your sh*t stained boots on my new clothes if it makes you happy. I may be upset about it later, and quite possibly could engage in adult conversation with you about why that ticked me off, to let you know, that behavior isn't acceptable to me.

But you know what? After a while it gets tiring. I can only tell you so many times that doing X,Y or Z hurts me, and no i'm not talking the little injustices that get under my skin, I'm talking about the deep wounds that I will marinate on for days to make sure that I really am torn up about what ever it is. Then I will approach you as an adult, hopefully, and try and talk to you about it.

I will make excuses for you, and your behavior to myself, to my friends, to my family, as reasons why you are still in my life, when everyone who truly loves me thinks that I should toss you out with Wednesdays cat litter. I will defend you until I run out of oxygen, because I cannot bear the thought of cutting ties with a person I have worked so hard to cultivate a relationship with, and let that all fall away as if it were nothing.

And let me tell you, It will fall away like its nothing. Because if I cut ties with you, there will be no coming back, I have learned that lesson, twice now. If I truly cut ties with you, you will no longer know the inner workings of my heart, of my life and will not get to enjoy the sunshine that comes with my success. Any one who knows me knows that when I am happy and feel fulfilled I will give and give and give, until I am tired, my bank account is low and my bed is the most welcoming place, but I will fall asleep with my heart full of love, joy and gratitude. When I cut you out of that, there is no coming back, and I honestly don't care what your life looks like without me in it. I don't wish you harm or to be unwell, I just wish you to never speak to me again, or reach out to my family.

So if I tell you goodbye, the Final Goodbye, you might want to ask yourself, just HOW you got there. How many times did I approach you to talk to you about your behavior? How many times did I address the problem and make special time to fix it with you, to dig to the bottom and to fix anything that I had done on my part. Because believe you me, I am not above taking responsibility for my actions, if the problem is due to me being a bad friend, then so be it! I am willing to bend over backwards to fix it and apologize, but if you wont work with me on it, then there is nothing I can do.

I will walk to the ends of the earth for people I love, I will spend my last dollar and use my entire tank of gas to show people how much I love them, but I can only defend you for so long. I don't always pick the best people to be around, my history has proven that, but I can't stop my want to help people. That is why, when I am fed up with being taken advantage of, I will end it all. You will get no more from me, you will hear no more from me, and you will speak no more to me. I have worked very hard to have a life that does not depress me every single minute I'm awake, and I will not risk it for anyone, no matter the love I have poured into you.

Because I learned that love is not a final number you are born with and will never receive more, my love is a spring, or a well, a replenish able staple in my life that I can and will give freely to anyone I see fit, and take away when I no longer see fit to share.

So now you know, why I don't give people second chances. Because I will give you thousands of chances to change while I still shower you with love and happiness, but once I'm done, I'm done, and there hasn't been a person to change that since 2011.