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When I first started this journey to better myself I started at least two podcasts (maybe more). I have decided to revive one of them, Maevyn's Bookshelf > will now be called Maevyn's Athenaeum. Athenaeum is more fitting since it is a collection of works, and not reserved for JUST books.
In 2018 I began this journey to continue to grow, to always learn and use that knowledge to propel myself into the life I want for myself. This hasn't changed, I am always striving to be the best me, which I haven't always been.
I dove into the world of digital art with the help of a dear friend Chris S. Gifting me an iPad was truly the key to finding myself. My work has grown, and I can finally say I'm proud to share it. I have even garnered a following on Patreon, where several people receive mail monthly of prints, bookmarks and stickers made all by me.
I would love to talk more in detail about any of these art pieces, please just let me know what one catches your eyes and I will provide the background!
Is art the only thing I've learned? NO! thank gods.
I finally learned that, even though I may not like it, no amount of pain will change who I am at my core. It may change how I handle things (Basically, the only way it would change me is through teaching me to be a better person), but I will always be a deeply sensitive, generous softie who cries at videos of original Vulpix meeting Alolan Vulpix.
I will always be that person whos heart breaks when they see hitchhikers and homeless persons, wishing I could help everyone. I will always be the person who can't fathom inflicting pain I have gone through on another.
*Once I had someone I trusted tell me I was abusive and always hurt her. That there was no way I could be this person I said I was because of things I've done. (of course I sat with myself for months to check in with myself and examine if these things she said were true. After reaching a conclusion I realized that I am not perfect. If I truly hurt her this way, then I need to accept it, and normally I would apologize and amend the issue, but in this case that was not possible). I disagree with her. I am who I say I am. I have worked hard to be good person and to think of others before myself. Yes, once I didn't put everyone else needs before mine it caused issues, but I can't help while I'm hurting.
I have had people notice my kindness and take advantage of it. Those people were not thinking of me, so I don't need to concern myself with what they think of me.
I am a good person because even though these people have made wild accusations towards me, I have not tried to nor will I try to attack them in any similar way. I will leave things where they are, and make sure that their influence can't touch me again. This involves all the core ideals I wish to embody.
* Harm None Do what Ye Will ( Excerpt from The Wicca Rede, as a wiccan I try to follow it as closely as I can, which is practically all the time.)
* To focus my energy and time on healing myself, which is what this journey was for in the first place. To learn how to be the best ME I can be, and sometimes I have to learn the hard way, by suffering through the heartache and extracting a lesson.
I am grateful for these lessons, as they serve as reminders that I am not perfect, and I will always have something to learn about being a better and more sufficient friend. Learning how to set and maintain better boundaries, and how to protect myself from the never ending possibility to be hurt. Because no matter what, if you want to be open to love you have to be open to pain, that is what it means to be vulnerable. (I'm sure this is not my quote and by someone else, but for the life of me I can't think of who's if you know, I would love to hear).