Thank you for waiting,

I am really disappointed in myself for not posting at all in july except for the 1st.

I watched as the days passed by and kept telling myself that I would do the post later, but in all honesty, I was probably never going to do that post.

The prompt was Advice for My Future Self which is a topic I know nothing about. Which doesn't make sense, because I have this idea that we should at least know what we want to do in the future, and I don't.

So how was I supposed to give my future self any advice if I don't even know the basic situations my future self will be in? I can only spew general things like 'stand up for yourself', 'try your best' and 'be the best you can be.' All of which are helpful, and vague, but they aren't really phrases I'd categorize as 'advice', you know?

So I'm sorry that there wasn't an inspirational post for July, but I will try to continue this blog with the once a month post following a prompt. Which I know is going to be hard, but I want to challenge myself to try at least, and because I think I can do it. I know that I'm going through changes right now, setting new boundaries and discovering things I no longer want to be a part of my life, once I figure all that out I will be making a post about it, since I'd like to have a record about it for later.

For now, for anyone that is curious or knows me in the flesh, this is what I'm dealing with.

• Moving, which is hard for me since I am not adept at change.

• Creating new boundaries and expectations for how I want to be treated. I feel like I live by the golden rule 'Treat people the way you want to be treated' , but then when I do that I put so much effort forward, and it seems the only reward is the good feeling of doing something kind, but what hurts later is that I don't get the same energy/attention/consideration back.

• Therapy. This is hard because I have to dig and dig at issues I've spent a lot of time and energy to bury. It's hard and I get upset really easily. I don't like that I'm seeing mirror scenarios of my past in my present. I want the cycle to end. I'm not happy being used and mistreated and discarded like trash, that's why I am doing all of the above.

Otherwise, thank you for your patience and for sticking around even though the posts are bordering on senseless and incoherent. This is my space to express myself, and I'm kind of enjoying the minimal traffic, because I'm hoping it's my family checking in on me, but if it isn't then welcome, you now are privy to personal information that is just between us.