My Needs, Wants and 'No-Go's'

This has been a reoccurring theme in my week, talking to people about my wants, needs and 'no-go's'.

What are those?

Well, simply put they are a three part list that I try to grow my relationships by.

Needs, are things that I feel I need in order to feel fulfilled, hopefully .

Wants, are things that I things that I want, but am willing to compromise on.

'No-Go's' are things that I will never put up with, and will end relationships over.

you may be thinking here that this is what I apply to my Romantic Relationships, but in all honesty I apply most of these rules to all of my relationships.

Some of my Needs;

- Understanding. A basic character trait to be willing to understand someone else, maybe on a level less than Empathy, unless Empathy was possible, but I know not everyone is Empathetic.

- Companionship. I honestly don't see any reason to be in any kind of relationship with someone unless I can do things with them.

- Communication. I communicate a lot, I expect the same for someone in my life. Tell me what's going on, keep me in the loop, let me know if you don't want to be kept in the loop. It's easy, and really a sign of respect.

- Humor. In Romantic Partners, this is a really great thing to have, but this also factors into 'understanding', because my humor can be dark or unsettling. I want someone I can laugh with and I can joke around with. Who is also very clear with their boundaries & respects mine, but at the same time we can still tease each other.

- Willingness to Learn. no one is perfect, and I am a firm believer that no one is above learning something new. This comes into play with new relationships because I need people to be willing to learn about my past and who I am as a person, not just live off of impressions and assumptions.

- Reciprocity. I give a lot, my heart, my feelings, my past, and my future to lots of people that might not be worth it, but I would count you worthy if you can reciprocate what I give out to you as well.

- Stability. I have craved this since long before I started to build my own relationships. I am a scheduled and norm seeking person. I don't like change, even though I can be adaptable. When I put time and effort into a relationship I would really like it to stay that way.

- Honesty. I am a child of divorce, and someone who has been taken advantage of too many times. I am willing to give you my all, so if you take my trust with my love , and you break one, you break the other. It's harsh, but once you lie to me, or hurt me deeply, it is hard to retain the love and trust I gave in the first place.

- Commitment. goes with stability, but is also a stand alone, because it plays into more of just Romantic Relationships for me. I want to be married, that's a life goal for me.

- Unconditional Love. When love is conditional, I don't feel it's true. Conditional means it can go away when there are arguments or in the moment of misery. This is a part of Stability, I don't want your love to change because of something I did as a human (something that any one could or would do, and did not mean to do maliciously. ex; An accident).

-Affection. l need to know that you are there, that you don't want to escape, that I am the reason you are still seeking to be near me and have me in your life.

Some of my Wants;

- Animals. I want animals, but I don't much care what kind or how many, so long as I can have at bare minimum one. If someone doesn't like animals, they might have a hard time getting along with me.

- Common Interests. I can get behind most tv shows, movies and some books, but it really helps a relationship grow when people have things in common. I will draw the line at horror and scary movies.

- Physical Intimacy*. *this one is sort of just for Romantic Relationships* even though I know friends can be 'intimate' I'm using the word for the more private sense. I will negotiate intimacy, because I want commitment, and some men wont feel comfortable about committing to a relationship with out some promise of intimacy.

- Living Situation. I hope to live somewhere near a good amount of my friends, but I also want to be happy, so I don't picture myself moving somewhere to be close to my friends, unless I really love them, and I would hope that my future partner would be willing to compromise on ideas of living certain places, because I am ruling out all deserts.

there are most likely more items that I have my heart set on, but will change or negotiate for a good reason.

Some of my 'No-Go's';

- Violent Anger. A person can be angry, but I don't think that it is ok to punch holes in walls, nor scream at someone. I know there are things that get said in the 'heat of the moment' but those things can't be unsaid, and there are things that people have yelled at me when mad, and apologized for later, that still ring around my head when I am upset. I can't be with friends, or dating someone that will do that.

- Ghost like tendencies. I get it, you need to cool off, but If you leave me alone for an extended period of time, I'll assume that you want nothing to do with me and that you're only here for the good times. You can stay gone.

- Lack of Priorities. still the same as 'Ghost like tendencies' but different in the fact that if you consistently choose other people over me, I will just assume that I don't mean a lot to you and I want to be worth at least something to you.

- Dislike of Animals. You don't have to like animals, but I wont like being around you. Loving animals has been linked to better personality traits. Also mistreatment of animals is an immediate eject from my life.

- Punishment. if you feel like you have to 'punish' me because I did something to you and it hurt you, I don't want you in my life. I am an adult, I don't need to be 'punished' by friends, family or a significant other. I am a grown woman, and if I have done something that has hurt your feelings, come talk to me. Find a way that makes you comfortable, and I will be as understanding as possible. There may be an argument, but it will be more civil than if you try to punish me emotionally or otherwise.

I have more things that I consider on this list, but they come into play rarely or on a case-by-case basis. I hope this list helps others build their standards and boundaries, because no one deserves to be disrespected or taken advantage of.