Every Little Step is a GOOD step.

The other night, I came home to find my bath mats missing

Now I’m the type of person that likes my things where I put them. I’m very very specific about my things, so it makes it hard for me to share sometimes.

The bath mats are hard to be selfish about, because I share a bathroom, and I don’t hate my hall-mate.

But for me it’s jarring to come home and find my bath mats gone.

Yeah that might sound gross, but they were expensive (to me) and they are also cheaply made (Walmart). So when I do clean them I vacuum them with the hose and I comb off all the hair, using wide tooth, a pick comb and the cat brush. It’s time intensive, but that’s why I do it.

Yeah that might sound gross, but they were expensive (to me) and they are also cheaply made (Walmart). So when I do clean them I vacuum them with the hose and I comb off all the hair, using wide tooth, a pick comb and the cat brush. It’s time intensive, but that’s why I do it.

Anyway, that’s not the point.

The point is, she did a nice thing that was not malicious at all, and I immediately was angry and hurt. Because that’s how I’m wired, but I don’t want to be that way. So I thought, and thought “how do I tell her -‘please don’t wash my bath mats anymore’- without sounding rude?”

I thought about calling my grandma, or Chris and then I realized. I can’t always call them and ask them how to handle these things. This is a little thing to other people. This isn’t even on most people’s radar, but it’s on mine, because I’m sensitive and particular about my things.

So I thought some more and created a text that was very well put. I thanked her for washing the bath mats, because it truly was an act of pure kindness, and then let her know I looked up how to care for my cheap bath mats because I noticed they were sort of deteriorating & I didn’t want to replace them yet. Then let her know that they needed to be air dried so I took them out and air dried them, and then asked if I could dry the other items she had in the wash.

This might seem like something weird and small, but I get upset about things like this, and I know that it’s not normal, that other people don’t get upset about stuff like this. I don’t want to be that adult woman who has tantrums every time something doesn’t go my way, but I also don’t want to let everything slide, they are my things after all and I’m allowed to ask that they be treated nicely.

This might seem like something weird and small, but I get upset about things like this, and I know that it’s not normal, that other people don’t get upset about stuff like this. I don’t want to be that adult woman who has tantrums every time something doesn’t go my way, but I also don’t want to let everything slide, they are my things after all and I’m allowed to ask that they be treated nicely.

I called my boyfriend Chris and told him of this little victory that I didn’t let the thing I was upset about ruin my night, and I was able to communicate what I needed to my hall-mate. He laughed a little and agreed that yes this is something other people don’t really think about, but then said “every little step forward is a good step”, and he’s right. I’m making steps, they may be little steps, but they are steps, and someday I’ll look back and see how far I’ve gotten with those “little steps”.

I don’t want to be someone who’s controlled by anger and pain. I know I am different than some people, my brain operates on a different wave length, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have peace and harmony, while also enjoying sharing my things with the people I trust.

I really do appreciate my roommate, and I know she always means well, because I know in the whole of my heart she couldn’t be malicious if she tried. She can be stubborn and sometimes apathetic, but she’s never been intentionally mean to me or anyone else she’s close with. So I am glad that I didn’t blow up and possibly hurt our friendship.

I needed to write this to share, because I know there has to be other people out there that get upset when people touch their stuff, or move it or borrow it without asking. Maybe they have a special spot on the couch or always put their things in one spot in the living room and will get upset if that’s moved or the spot is taken. I’m like that, and it’s OK to honor how your brain works, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have friends or that you can’t learn cohabitation. I want to learn how to be a better friend, how to treat people well while also asking for what I want, without being too selfish or greedy.

I want anyone out there like me to have hope that you will not have to live in a frustrating world forever. You will have to work at it, and maybe even help those around you understand you, but I really do think it can be done.